Shapewear, Girdles, and Olga the Fat Sucker!

I took a risk today. I have been working pretty hard on getting my body to where I want it to be ‪#‎healthy‬ ‪#‎happy‬ so I threw caution to the wind and didn’t wear my spanx!


Even though I didn’t go completely bare (I put some body glide on), I still chaffed between my thighs. But I call this a win! I’m pretty proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone and it allows me to normalize a topic that most people think of as TABOO!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are a lot of body types in this world and some of them, like mine, are prone to this uncomfortable side effect. It doesn’t mean you are less than anyone else! You are beautiful!!

I know that this can be a pretty private or embarrassing topic for most people, but I’ve never felt that way. Maybe it’s because I have an amazing mom, who taught me to love my body and to embrace the art of “Olga the fat sucker” aka the art of shapewear that she learned from Olga, the lovely lady she bought some of her girdles from.


In case you don’t know what Shapewear is, please see the image above and know that it does just like the name says: it holds your body into a more pleasing shape. It nips and tucks those imperfections without going under the KNIFE! I have always been an advocate for shapewear, and I still am. BUT one of my goals is to one day live a life where shapewear for me is a thing of the past, or at least something that is optional!

Although today wasn’t that day and I definitely have the chaffing to prove it… hopefully it won’t be too far in the future either. However, today also reminded me that even at my thinnest, when I was in the best shape of my life, running college XC, I was still wearing spanx. Maybe my thighs will always touch and I’m ok with that. We shall see!

Either way the spanx are going back on for tomorrow!


Smoking ……..ugh why did I ever think I wasn’t going to get addicted

E-Cigarette  vs cigarette

I started smoking cigarettes in college when I was studying abroad in Prague.  I smoked socially for a while, but I never thought I was going to get addicted.

Don’t get me wrong.  It wasn’t that I didn’t know the risks or think that I could get addicted, it was more that I never really craved a cigarette.  So I figured, maybe I wasn’t smoking enough to get addicted.

I only smoked when I drank, until this one time one of my friends mentioned that they didn’t think that I was inhaling the smoke.

Well if you can’t tell what’s coming next….surprise, I wasn’t inhaling and once I did, I got addicted.  It was fine at first.  I honestly don’t mind the feeling of having to smoke and in the beginning I really liked the buzz.  But it’s almost been a year now, on and off and I’m over it.

So it’s time to quit.  Thankfully I don’t have to go cold turkey.  I have a vap pen that I use at a very low nicotine level, but this is definitely going to be super challenging.

Day 1: It’s going well.  I think it’s more in my head, especially because when things at work got stressful, I would go for a cigarette.  Now, I just go out for a vap session.  It feels so random but much healthier.  Wish me luck!

15 Signs You’re Trying To Get Your Shit Together But Like, It’s Hard

This girl just gets me….like spot on!! #mess #getittogether

Thought Catalog

Young AdultYoung Adult

1. You went to the grocery store and bought all healthy things, but then you got tired and hungry when you got home, so you ordered pizza. You’ll cook tomorrow, right?

2. You got all that spinach for all those green smoothies. You made one. You threw out the spinach after it turned into mush in the bottom drawer of your refrigerator. Nice!

3. You woke up this morning like, I’m going to the gym if it’s the last thing I do in my entire life! You didn’t go. You’ll get ‘em next time, champ.

4. Last weekend you were all, I’m never drinking again, that’s it, never, ever, ever, ever? Two days later, happy hour happened and now you’re just breaking promises to yourself.

5. Save money? Budget? What do these words mean?

6. If you get all your laundry done and put away within the…

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I’m confused …why…who am I?


“I have found that your Inner Wisdom whispers and your Inner Critic yells, so you have to get quiet in order to hear your inner wisdom. Journaling is one way to get quiet,” – Sandy Grason

Playing and listening to music, journaling, telling stories, painting, and singing are all forms of therapy for me.  They let me tap into another side of myself.  A side that isn’t all about talking and can sometimes allow me to see the true meaning in my feelings.  Being emotional is hard for me.  It’s something that I feel shameful or embarrassed about, especially when I am in front of other people, even if they are friends or family.

Knowing that there are parts of myself that I still haven’t dealt with or fully processed is scary, and when they bubble up to the surface without warning, they can get out of hand.  The fears, the doubts, the uncertainty, all weighing down on me can sometimes seem like too much.  But it’s time.  It’s time to let go.  To face those fear, to release those doubts and to take the leap of faith into the unknown.  I’m worth it.  I deserve to finally process these bottled up and pushed down feelings.  I am ready to feel free and stop letting the past hold me back.

Change… it really matters!

So I was sitting on the subway this morning and I took my keys out of my pocket to put them in my purse. As I did this, a few coins that had been in there came flying out. This cute older woman across from me pointed them out, so that I knew where to pick them up, but I told her it didn’t matter. My thought process was that, they are better left for someone who may need them. Honestly, I just didn’t think it really mattered that much, because what could it be, 35, maybe 40 cents. What can that really buy me?

A few stops go by and that cute little old woman gets up and picks up my change and gives it back to me. I can tell that her English is broken, but she really cared. This frail older woman was bending over to pick up my 35 cents so that she could give it back to me, and that’s when it hit me.

Change matters. In every sense of the statement.

For that woman and for a lot of other people in this world, that 35 cents that I left on the ground could really make a difference. It’s the beginnings of a warm cup of coffee to someone who has to spend the night on the streets, it’s the start of a new pair of shoes, a winter coat, a hot meal, a train ticket, or like the red paper clip story, a home! Every dream, goal and aspiration starts with something small. It’s not about how much you have it’s about how much you are willing to give.

I chose to drop that 35 cents into someone’s cup on the way to work because I know that person needs it more than me. However, I also set aside my own 35 cents to remind me that every dream starts small.

What will you do with your “35 cents”?


The Dry Eye Zone

imagesI just stumbled upon a really great blog and I think it’s worth sharing!  Due to the medication I take, I have extremely dry eyes.  Over the last two years this intense dryness has caused me to avoid wearing eye makeup, unless I am going out, going out.  And honestly, even then sometimes I avoid it because I know that by the end of the night, my eyes will be super irritated.  Surprisingly, I haven’t done a ton of research recently into makeups that don’t irritate the eyes, because I have a decent fix.

When this problem first started I went through this search to find a better makeup regime that wouldn’t bother my eyes.  I changed a lot of the cleansers, moisturizers, and makeup that I used, to products that seemed to not bother me so much.  Although this definitely helps, I still avoid eyeliner especially on most occasions.

Well not anymore! CUE a miracle!! This blogger “I can hear myself blink” may have just answered my dry eye prayers.  Guess who’s getting some new liquid liner! ME!!!

Adult Acne…like when did this become a thing??!!


First of all, when did getting adult acne become a thing.  It’s so frustrating.  I think I have more acne than I had as a teen.  I guess this is what happens when you get lucky in adolescence.  However, these grownup pimples are the worst because they aren’t the easy 3 day fix ones.  They last FOREVER and are so deep that if I do pop them, there is literally a HOLE in my face!  Thankfully, I get most of my acne along my hair and jaw lines and not my T zones where I got most of my teen acne, so these are easier to hide.  But still, no one likes breaking out and especially not me because all I want to do it pick it until it’s gone! (just for reference, I do know that picking actually makes it last longer…UGH!!)

I know that probably sounds really gross or self destructive, but there is something about knowing that there is a foreign thing like an infection or sebum or puss in my body that makes me want to expel it as fast as possible.  In case you were like Christina, what the hell is Sebum, like an alien or the monster from the black lagoon.  No, b’s sebum is that oily, waxy matter that comes out of your white heads and black heads when you pop them, they are the “clog” in your clogged pours.

I know, I know! I literally know I shouldn’t pick but it’s so hard for me and I am working on it, but here we are again.  I picked and got an infection because I didn’t properly take care of it and now I’m nervous that I am going to get cellulitis or worse the dreaded MRSA. Fucking cystic pimple…WHY?!

I normally would get a prescription for antibiotics but my Dr. has like the worst hours and walk ins this time of year are filled with the flu and germy, sick kids. I’m not taking any chances, even with my flu shot! So here we are…what to do, what to do.

I know that there are holistic ways of curing an infection, because there has to be right.  Infections have been cured for centuries prior to modern medicine, so I am going to try it the old fashion way.  (PSA: This is not a how to or anything like that and if my infection gets worse I will be going to the Dr. because I don’t chance my health like that)

So I did my research and I know that essential oils are incredible for working miracles on infections and other pesky little irritations.  My favorite essential oils right now for aromatherapy are lavender and rosemary.

The first thing I am going to try is Rosemary oil on a band-aid like a poultice.  Wish me luck! PS: this was after a day of a band-aid with neosporin to soften the scab (TMI – I know!)